(no title for this one...)~

something bad happened to the father the other day...

neighbour's kids banged on the front door yesterday morning when i was asleep... said something bad happened to the father... i didnt get wad they were saying but they just told me to follow them, so i did~

went to the lift landing and saw him on the ground... there was blood on the floor & a knife was next to him... those were the first things i noticed... they were first things everyone there noticed~

i bent down and placed my hand on his head... he was sweating.... i asked if he was alright, if he could hear me... he didnt ans~ his eyes were rolled back and his left hand was placed over his heart, covering the wound... some guy there told me the medics were on the way... he had his kid with him... i asked him wad time he called it in...

"9.20, they'll be comming sooon"
it was 9.25am....
"bring ur kid inside man, he doesnt need to see this..."

i looked around alot.. started noticing everything i could see... his wallet was by the stairwell... the bloodied knife... the people around me just standing there afraid to "mess up" the scene... i took note of everything for when the cops got here~

kept on talking to him, kept saying everything would be fine, tat the medics were on the way... i just kept talking to him, i needed him to be able to hear me not understand me... i just kept talking...

went inside the house to get a pillow to rest his head on.... his eyes were still rolled back~

"where the hell are the medics..."

they finally came, took them long enough-_-... they took the father away.... not before fumbling alot...it was like their first time seeing blood, it was so unprofessional, almost comical~ the first cop came while the medics had him strapped in the stretcher... started questioning the ppl around... then they started questioning me~

my mom came just after the father was taken away... cops told her they took him to changi general, so she took a cab there while i stayed... they needed to qs me more~

more cops came... wrapped the area around it with Police tape... kept talkin on their phones and radios for more back up~ they told me the investigators were arriving soon, so i waited.....

i think 30 mins had passed... a crazy old neighbour from upstairs happened to walk down n saw the mess... started being unmannered and disrespectful towards me and the cops, saying how "back in the day" there were cops on every street n other ramblings of alonely old man just trying to seek attention... on any other day i would just ignore him, this wasnt any other day, so i lashed at him... cops told me to go back home.... they'll call me once the investigators came... crazy old man went back upstairs as well~

i took a quick bath... it helped cool me off~ cops knocked on my door a min later, i let them in... CID lady took my statement and made me check it a few times before heading back out to the crime scene...

by now the place was swarmed with cops all doing their CSI-thing.. taking samples of blood, photos, etc~ they told me to go back n wait, they'd let me know if they needed to ask any more questions...

i went back into the house, took a cig from my dad's room and lit it... then i just sat in the living room... i wanted to turn on the tv, but i didnt... i mean, u shouldnt right? now's hardly the time to wanna watch tv~ so i just sat there...

after about 20 mins, i turned on my computer... it felt so wrong to do so... i figured i should be emoing at a corner of crying in the bathroom or something... but instead i was checkin my e-mails and watched videos from you-tube~

it felt wrong...
but, i felt no remorse~

my father's an asshole... he's never made any positive impact in my life cept to screw me n my family over countless times... i've always known this was bound to happen... it would be karma.. & he would've gotten wad was comming to him~ i have sympathy but no empathy to wad happened to him, and i feel no remorse~



* i dont think i should carry on writing this anymore, i believe it would be rather disturbing if i were to write how i honest felt....

its been quite a personal dilema whether or not i should post this entry due to its personal content, but i decided to do it anyway~





i feel myself loosing my humanity~
on the other hand, i dont really feeel anything at all...



im soo gonna burn in hell~