ducky~

"my turn, not ur turn! i wanna push the button~"
duckies are cute : )

hallow's end~

2 groups of people from the media came to the restarunt last night... some suprize visit to like, evaluate the food i think~ anyway, we had to treat them like kings which kinda sucked cause there was this other customer hu had to wait like 30 min for one of my supervisors to flambe her ice-cream~

but at least one of the tables were nice ppl... the other seemed pretty arrogant~ so, i was clearin up their plates, n made a lil small talk with them... which ended up me tellin them my whole quitin sch n wanting to go into mass comm story... and coincidently one of them happended to be the VP of a publication industry.

so after talkin a lil more, i took a long shot n asked if there were any internships available, n she gave me her namecard n told her to email her~

so yeah... im feelin pretty good : )
i lost the ball part of my lip stud, so now i gotta use the spike one which is kinda big so i cant twirl it around as much... but i'm still feelin good~

my best bud's bday is today.... but non of the girls could make it so i guess we'd celebrate it on the weekends~ pay comes next week... so kudos to that~

n yeah.. its been a cool day... nice weather, no one home to bug me.. the sister's goin to las vegas in a couple of weeks so she wont harrass me for a while~

i've got quite a bunch of stuff to do, n havent really had alot of sleep... but i'm feelin good, nontheless~

"I’m lost without u
Can’t help myself
How does it feel
To know that I love u baby~"

wad a stupid song...tsk -_-


lalalala~ : )

28/10/07~

been real busy with work n other stuff... but im havin fun... feel really independent doing wadever the f i want now that im not in sch... it kinda forces u to be an adult n make the right decisions for urself~

gettin my pay soon, then its off to get my cardigan with jf~ (cause she's my favourite)

i wish i was a journalist, or a radio DJ.. cause i have a sexy ass voice n everyone knows it : ) gonna try n get an internship with mediacorp just for kicks during this "happy hour" period~

i dunno if i should work tomoro... i dont really have any plans but i feel like hangin out -_- think i'll go cut my hair or something... blah~

chiefs at chinese restarants listen to techno when they cook...
chiefs at my work place listen to Pussycat Dolls n Carlos Santana...





kudos~

happy hour~

im tired.... work's been a bitch.. started at 10am & ended in the evening... being a waiter is cool n all, but i feel as though im not really doing something im good at...

being in the F&B line is really strict, customers have expectations and everyone wants to be pleased~ im such a laidback person, i dont see wad the importance of having such high standards is for, i mean, its difficult for me to treat a V.I.P with any more recognition then the next joe...

i hate discrimination in any form be it race, religion, or in this case, ur finanical status.... doesnt mean ur a rich-ass means ur the boss of me... but everyone around here seems to think so... n that bothers me~

i spend more time talkin with customers than i do serving food... n some of them are cool~ im pretty random, many of u know that, so i can start a conversation really well sometimes.. n i enjoy it, no one really takes the time to talk to u when ur having a meal... its always just business, u come in, u eat, u leave~

wad ever happened to having 3 hour lunches where everyone at the table just talked n shit~ i luv that.... lunch used to be sacred, now its just a proceedure... well fuck that~

had dinner at huda's place... her grandma cooks the best malay food in the world :) we talked n chilled... it was lovely~
i could see ourselves doing the same thing in 30 years, just sitting down having dinner, talkin about stuff... lovely : )

this is, happy hour for me... the time after something bad's happened ( dropping out from sch, bad job... ) just before something good (new beginnings, better life..)

i know things are goin to be fine, i know they dont seem to be fine now, but things have a way of working themselves out given the approriate time.... that we should stop n smell the friggin roses once in awhile for christ sake~

probably meeting the guys tomoro for dinner at ct hall after work....
we'd all be dressed up in our formal wear, it'd be cool.. like business men off to get a drink at a bar after work~

right, tired...
ciao~

artsy fartsy~

finally, went to the singapore art's museum with huiting... it was uber cool... so many stuff to see~






then we wrote our names on some tiger thingy... dont know wad its for but they had crayons there so yeah... had to vandalize it~


lots of cam-whoring.. its kinda fun, i understand why chicks love to do it.. but most of the pics of me are fugly so im not gonna post them~


went to coffee bean to chill... chatted for like 3 hrs i think... it was cool: ) i ordered some fruity tooty mango tea shit which cost like $7 dollars... yeah.. never buy anything tats not coffee in coffee bean, its a total rip off~


& i dont think this picture looks gay at all... its a totally manly position my hands are at so i dont get it... DAMN my korean-ish looks n white+fair complexion! u think its a compliment but korean guys look faggoty -.-


went to town, chilled somemore... walked around a bit.. then headed home, met mom for dinner.. which is a rare, since i hardly ever do that... n mom was so happy -_- but she kept giving me her pet talks on how im suppose to plan my future now that im not in sch anymore n wad not...

n she thinks my shag band is some gang insignia or something... my mom is so innocently cute~ pfft...

cant stop smiling today :) :) :)
right thats it then.. ciao~

army beckons~

i've been askin my friends who been thru or are still in the army if theres anything i should be prepared for....

1. wear boxers or pants during the medical check-up or u'd be walkin around in ur undies in a room full of guys which would be extremly gay~

the proceedure apparently involves u showing ur wee wee to some guy then coughing once-_-.. dont even ask... its a medical thing... guess they gotta check if ur dick's there.. cant join the army if u got no pecker now can u~

sidetracking here for a min....
these guys that... check ur dicks.... these "dick inspectors" if u will...
its a real profession~

.........
.....
...

"hi... im alfred.... im a dick inspector : ) "

2. hope u dont get assigned to school no.1 (wadever that means....) cause its furthest away from the ferry terminal and apparently, its the most haunted one~

i only got 2 tips so far... other "what not to do in the army" tips are pretty self-explanatory..

-dont piss on the trees at night
-dont point ur flashlight at the trees at night
-dont kick the trees at night
-dont sleep under the trees at night
-dont shoot at the trees at night

cause everyone knows that the ghosts live in the trees and if u piss on their homes, they're gonna bite ur dick off~

but thats kinda the least of my problems, im more worried about wad job i get posted to... i really hope its some deskjob from 9-5 n all i do is answer acouple of calls n key in some entries... n because of my tatt i cant join the police force, which sucks since its the most slack one so i gotta be the marine~

im so gonna die there....



sonofabitch -_-

minorites~

chillin at starbucks today made us realise how different we are from everyone else... eventhough we were all born in the same country, we had different influences which contributed to our different interests n personalities...

now, thats cool n all...
but personalities aside, we've adapted a completly different outlook on our way of life... n its because of this difference that we cant really relate to many people of this society~

its a mystery how we survived these 3 years of poly... i felt i could never really connect with the ppl in engineering... n i didnt really understand it either~ edd pointed out that if we had changed n gotten into the whole "singaporean teenager
persona, that if we had learned to like the things they liked or did the things they did... then yeah, maybe we'd have more friends, things might've been easier & life wouldnt seem as typical as we thought it was...

i think that we live in a society where we can't really BE who we are... we have to choose a "side" be it the Pool & Dota players, the emo-people, the clubbers or the ching-chong-changs... u cant just be 'that guy' anymore.. gotta be "special"~

things might have been easier if we'd adapted n changed with the majority... but, compromising what defines u for society just isnt wad its about... n im glad we didnt~

sure it sucks being the so called 'minorities' in terms of... uhh... lets classify it as, being the "typical singaporean"... its been difficult not being about to relate to strangers n all... but i dont regret being who i am... we're not the weird ones.. everyone else is... im sure once we move outta this place ( n im sure we all will.. hopefully) we'd fit in better else where, where ever it may be~

then when u guys go there, u'd know how it feels... when ppl talk of politics or give references to historical analoges, u'd be like..
"hey did u catch last night's 'hey gorgeous'? on channel U?"
"umm... no -.-"

so yeah, screw all of u~


*bring back the good ol'days when they'd use to beat up ppl hu for speakin mandarin~

"ni hao"
"what the hell did u just say?"
"sher mer?"

*Punch~

"DUI BU QI!.. urrr.. I MEAN... IM SORRY!"


*Punch~

dear student~

Withdrawal From Course Of Study

We refer to your notification of withdrawal from the Diploma in Mechatronics (full-time) course.

Please note that your withdrawal is granted with effect from 17 Oct 2007.

We wish you all the best in your future endeavours.

Yours faithfully
(Person from the One-Stop Center)



.............................
......................
.................
...........
....




well LAA DEE DAAA~


legs hurt...
goin to bed...
never speaking to meanies hu dont reply msgs n fugly toy animals....





BEH -_-

in fair verona~

i had a bad case of food poisoning yesterday... kept throwin up alot.. not cool~ it was really gross actually... n because of all the puking, ididnt really eat much... so i was just puking water -_-

anyway, that was yesterday, n i feel better now... still a lil groggy but its all good~ plus, i slept for like 13hrs the entire day so im alert now, feelin really weak but all in all, everything's cool~

passed the time reading alot of the novels n online references to literature.. mainly shakespeare's... n i must say, i am truly impressed... its incredible how such artistic forms of literary works can be created back in the 16th century~ its so profound and alluring on its own, but to actually understand the meaning behind the fancy words...

i mean, wow...
its literally art in the form of words~

i used to read his plays n sonnets cause the words seemed "sexy", but to actually study the writing indepth n understanding the interpretation will blow ur mind.... i just cant believe how a man can create such magnificent compositions~

i downloaded the 1996 William Shakespeare's Romeo+Juliet by Baz Lurhrmann ( the one with Leonardo Dicaprio & Claire Danes) just for old time sake... after like 2 hrs i clicked the preview button & turns out it was dubbed in French -_- so i downloaded another one n watched it...

the 1st time i watched it was back in 2000 when they first premiered it on Channel 5... i didnt really get it then~ i thought that the words they were saying were just made up by the script writers.. so then i went n borrowed the actual R & J from the lib n found out it wasnt made up, it was taken from the actual script written 400 years ago...

so now, watching it for a second time, its more appealing then before since i'm more familiar with the story n other details in the movie... It was a brilliant adaptation of R&J set in modern times where guns where used instead of swords & cars instead of steeds... n i must say, Lurhrmann did a great job in maintaining the originality of the movie. he managed to adjust the story into a modern day scene, using subtle references from the original play n incorporate them into the movie in a different form to make it more eccentric but still maintain its authenticity~

whenever your free or got nothin better to do, go wiki the whole romeo & juliet story, read it up... learn about the individual characters & certain significant events (like the famous balcony scene).... then go watch this movie again~

its not simply a story about love....
its a story about love at first sight, forbidden passion, freedom of devotion, prejudicial injustice & tragic ignorance~

not to mention how hot claire danes was in that angel outfit of her's : )

its really a beautiful thing.... n to have an appreciation for this stuff is truly self-satisfying~





"Did my heart love till now?
Forswear it sight,
For I never saw true beauty till this night~"

-Romeo+Juliet



couldn't end without quoting something from the movie now can i : )
cheers~

Set Text For Examination In 2009~

Literature in English
Paper1 : Reading Literature

Section A: Poems

Section B: Prose
Jane Austen: Pride and Prejudice
Charles Dickens: Great Expectation

Section C: Drama
William Shakespeare: Othello
Oscar Wilde: The Importance of Being Earnest

Paper4:Imagining Other Worlds
-Edgar Allan Poe: The Fall of the House of Usher and Other Writings, Poems, Tales, Essays and Reviews (Penguin Classics)
-Samuel Taylor Coleridge: Selected Poems
-Aldous Huxley: Brave New World
-George Orwell: 1984
-Anthony Burgess: A Clockwork Orange
-Margaret Atwood: The Handmaid’s Tale
-William Shakespeare: The Tempest
-Christopher Marlowe: Dr Faustus (Mermaid edition)
-Charlotte Perkins Gilman: Herland

Selected Poems:
-Stanzas
-Romance
-The City in the Sea
-The Sleeper
-The Valley of Unrest
-The Raven
-Ulalume
-For Annie
-Annabel Lee
-Eldorado

Selected Tales:
-MS Found in a Bottle
-Ligeia
-The Fall of the House of Usher
-The Murders in the Rue Morgue
-The Oval Portrait
-The Masque of the Red Death
-The Pit and the Pendulum
-Hop-Frog

Selected Essays:
-On Imagination
-Time and Space
-The Veil of the Soul

**********************************

dont get me started on the history paper -_-
super busy now...

right, off to work~




Keane is the best band in the world... period~

10/10/07~

done alot of thinkin about stuff, n i've decided that i would wanna take A-levels during the army part time so wen i get out, i'd be able to study @ SIM n get a degree in mass comm... either that or go to NAFA~

either way i still wanna do the A-levels, n hearing from andrew.. its not a walk in the park~ i checked out the website n there's a wide variety of examinable subjects... from different languages like French and Arabic.. to the weird stuff like bible studies~ Then there are the normal ones like math, and economics...

i gotta take at least 4 papers (including the General Paper)
so i think i'll go for English Literature, Modern European History and the last one being chinese B... which is probably the one im most worried about but according to andrew, it's a sort of "unwritten" requirement if u wanna work in sg... well, not that i wanna work in sg.. this place is horrible~ but the point being, i cant even count to 10 in manadrin so i dunno...

went to the lib n borrowed a shit load of books on shakespeare... i wanna get a head start on this so... yeah~ it really interesting if u actually understand "Old English"~

got a call from jenny askin me if i could work later, it was pretty last min but i went anyway.... they had a wedding goin on, didnt have to do much just clear the plates... made alot of new friends... it was cool~ one guy asked if i was an "english helicopter" n i said "yeah~"

then he asked if i was from mass comm n i was like... "umm no... engineering -_-" thats like the 100th time someone thinks im from mass comm, which sucks cause im not.. but i wanna be... then he saids "ohh cause u have such a slang, reminds me of a DJ"..... that would also be the 100th time someone said that to me -_-

i like how english oriented i am.... but i live in such a chinese oriented world.... n i really envy those hu are bilingual.... makes me wonder if i should start learning mandarin... actually i tired tat once, kept talkin to my friends in chinese but they all scolded me n forbid me to speak like that cause it was weirding them out~

but wadever... i like the way i am, hope i get into a good sch, hope i earn a ton of money.. then i'll fly to boston n never come back~

note to self: never buy those packets of self-rolling tabacco.... sure its cheap, but it takes 30 mins to roll one friggin joint not to mention it tastes like shit n makes u smell like an drunk old person... plus its not exactly the kind of stuff u'd bring outdoors to smoke since its so flimsy to hold~




its stuff like this that make u wanna quit smoking u know...
jeezz.... -_-





Note to self #2: gotta learn to juggle too~

bad cartoons=stupid kids~

i was lying in my bed this morning when suddenly it hit me why kids these days are so stupid.... it wasnt cause of the bad parenting or the crap they teach u in schools... well maybe it is, but the Main cause of this mass stupidity in the kids is cause of all the stupid cartoon show's their playin on tv~

one cartoon in particular being the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles...
awesome show back in the day when it 1st came out in 1987. it had great character development, a good plot that had an evil villian, monsters and robots... basically it was a cool show, n kids liked it... it was witty and funny and had plenty of ass kicking in it as well~

lets look at the characters.... there's 4 mutant turtles all named after famous renaissance artists hu learn ninja from a kung fu master hu got turned into a rat to prevent an evil bad guy named after a kitchen appliance and a brain in a man-robot suit from bringing this big ball-like tank called the technodrome to the surface n destroy the world~

the characteristics of the turtles where both unique and were wad every cartoon super team from then on needed... hot headed rebel, the easy-going goof, the wise & cautious leader, and a science geek~

Raphael: the "Wolverine" of the group, he's the reckless badass that does wadever the hell he wants n doesnt take shit from nobody... he's probably the strongest one of the 4, but his rage often clouds his judgement n gets him into more even more trouble then b4... plus he's the only one cool enough to get his own turtle bike while everyone else rides in the van~

Michaelangelo: the free spirited surfer dude... arguably the coolest turtle of the lot... he uses alot of slangs and was the one that made pizzas look cool... he fightscenes are comical but effective, like the fights u see in a jackie chan movie... plus that "cowabunga" phrase he uses all the time, wad does it even mean?

i went n googled it, n apparently it was a catch phrase used by surfers meaning "to ride the waves"~ bet u didnt know that DID U... bet u went round yellin " COWABUNGA!!" to all ur friends when u were a kid n not even know wth it ment DIDNT U!~

Donatello: the tech wiz, he's the intellectual one of the group, u always see him messin around with chemicals or fixin some machinary while mikey's eatin his pizza, leo's training with splinter and raph is watchin tv~ he's the one that builds the weapon to destroy the bad guy of that episode when the time calls for it... he's also the one that pimped out the turtle van with missles n shit... which, i have no idea where they got the missles from in the 1st place~ plus, everytime the turtles are trapped or corner by the bad guys, he'd always manage to pull out some fancy gizmo from his ass to save the day... kudos~

Leonardo: the leader... he's the serious one, always thinking of his fellow brothers before himself... the father figure i guess... always following the rules n doing the honorable thing... he'd probably be the most boring one of them all if not for the 2 big ass katana's he weilds~ he's swordsmenship is uncanny and matched with his smarts and training produces a deadly combination of wit and skill~

then there was splinter and April O'neil, they were the other main characters in the show...
Splinter's just a rat, nothing much there....
April on the other hand was this super hot channel 6 news reporter with her orange jumpsuit and red hair running around with her camera n that dorky cameraman who's name i cant remember...

anyway, tat was the 1987 version of the cartoon show.. and it was the best version of the TMNT~


then in 1997, there was "Ninja Turtles: The Next Mutation" this one wasnt really a cartoon, it was set in the real world...


so it was 4 guys in turtle suits.. this concept followed the 1990 TMNT movie... they even had a 5th female turtle which was uber lame.. i dunno wad the producers were thinkin~

then came the 2003 version of the TMNT cartoon where it showed the turtles in a more darker way...


they were more violent n a tad too much robotics like laser guns n stuff, which totally lost that jackie chan-ness appeal... what i hated about this series was they completely screwed up the original plot... yes, there was a shredder n a krang.. but they made shredder into this billionaire darth vader character hu kept sending his minions to rob banks n shit instead of taking over the world... and krang didnt turn up till the later part of the show where he was just shown as some normal everyday episode bad guy-_-

no foot soliders, no beebop n rocksteady, no technodrome... instead there were voodoo dragons and mystical ninja tournements were splinter was actually one of the champion fighters back in the day... COME ON! -_-

but hey, at least they had a shredder and a Krang.. even though they werent properly developed... apparently kids just wanted to see more action n lasers n shit -_-

the last straw was when they came out with "TMNT-Fast Forward"...
omg~ now the entire plot had gone to shit... the whole legacy of the TMNT, from being the cool, lovable, ass-kickin creatures to the stupid futuristic light-sabre weilding, laser blasting, alien-fighting sellouts they are now....

MUST EVERY CARTOON REMAKE END UP BEING A SELL OUT TO THE TYPICAL STEROTYPING OF THE WHOLE ROBOTS N TIME TRAVELING FUTURISTIC BULL CRAP WE SEE IN EVERY SATURDAY MORNING CARTOON SHOWN ON TV???!!!!


look at that.. i dont even know hu that boy in the middle is... where the hell did April go?! n how the FUCK could they live so long?! a lifespan of a turtle is an about 100 years old, not a fuckin millenium! even so, they wont be called TEENAGE muntant ninja turtles.. they just be called mutant ninja turtles.... so wad gives??



u know why kids are getting so retarded these days?
i'll tell u why....

its cause the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles went GAY, thats why~

im just really cranky cause my ipod's screen's a lil messed up n i cant read the song titles....







dont judge me-_-~

shut up~

sure our forefathers came from malaysia and china... but after the British conlonised the place, u'd think the people would've learnt to speak friggin english by now...-_-

the other day there was this charity guy hu came up to me and started rambling in chinese and broken english to me to donate money to save the sick kids or wadever the F he was saying....

anyway, this is wad i remember about the conversation...

weirdo: "excute me, da rao ni yi xia.... blah blah blah... sick kids dying... blah blah blah... every cent helps.... *chinese ramblings... give us ur money..."

me: "wad?"

weirdo: "this is a real charity organization, not the cheat ppl kind one..."

me: "wad...?" -_-

weirdo: "bang bang mang.... *more chinese ramblings.... blah blah... NKF... blah blah blah... i like little boys.. blah blah blah... donate now or die..."

me: "umm... go fuck urself"
*walks off~

wad kinda fucked up half chinese, half singlish poopy monkey language are ppl conversing with nowadays-_- the hell are they teaching u in school for god sakes~ dont u people know ur making no F-ing sense when u talk like tat? wad, u think its cool or something? well fuck u then....

im not saying that their stupid or something, hell im not exactly the smartest person in the world either... im sure that all u poopy monkey speaking ppl come from good school's n get As for everything... but intellegence is often associated with ur ability to be articulate in ur speech n conversation skills.... so if u decide to sound like a moron, ppl are gonna generally assume u are one~

THEN WHY THE HELL IS EVERYONE IN THIS COUNTRY TALKIN LIKE TAT!?!?~

i have no beef with the chinese language, i know ppl hu are fluent in mandarin and though i have no idea wad their talkin about sometimes, i can tell the person their talkin to understands wad the other is saying... and isnt tat wad its all about? being able to understand wad the Fuck ur saying?

please, citizens of this effing country, i implore u all.... speak goood english... u dont have to sound like an englishman, just speak coherent, comprehensible, simple, hell... perhaps UNDERSTANDABLE english-_-... & if u cant then i sugguest u get the fuck out of the country n move to stupid'svile where they speak poopy monkey very fluently-_-

"arlow, wa seh.. u beri the cute worx =}} wan to be frienndzzz? xX>_<@@@"





you gotta be shiitting me -_-

bad ju ju~

so much has been goin on, theres alot on my mind... i would've lost it if not for the conversations with huda n vic so thanks alot~

shit happens... but life goes on... just gotta deal with it cause thats the way the world works~

we have the right to feel sad and theres nothing wrong about feeling the way u feel even if the situation doesnt call for it... emotion isn't something u can control... so, we deal with it... in wadever way we see fit~

we cry, we scream into a pillow, we drink, we have sex, we talk... but we deal with it nontheless... and it makes us feel better~ Thats all we really need, just to.. feel better about ourselves and prepare us for wad's to come... theres nothing wrong with that~

and it does make u stronger, it does make u a better person... u understand things better, and u know how others feel hu have gone thru wad ur going thru.. and u know ur not alone...

the results came back not too long ago, & even though i passed my retake subject and wont be kicked outta sch, i've decided that it would be wiser to drop out instead, get thru with the army then come back n study design or mass comm or something... then once i save enough money, im moving to australia n im never coming back~ at least the ppl there are nice n they speak friggin ENGLISH... 80% of ppl here cant seem to do it here-_-

anyway, im cool now... about everything... i was sad, then pissed, then sad again.... but now im cool so its all good~ dont know if things will be fine, but at least i'll be ready for it... i think....

went grocery shoppin n got a bottle of wine and some blue cheese... mom says it tastes like shit, but my sister n i like it... its got a very sophisticated taste of sweetness from the wine n texture from the cheese... very refine indeed~ its something u'd either like, or wont... just like caviar or those snails that the french eat at cocktail parties~

makes me feel like royalty everytime i take a sip, just luv it :)

a friend of mine's mother's in her final stage of cancer... im not exactly a big fan of god, but im gonna pray for them~

this month has just been filled with so much bad ju ju..... i think its time they stopped...
u think u can do that mr god? -_-~






*escargots... an edible snail prepared as an appetizer or entrée~

(no title for this one...)~

something bad happened to the father the other day...

neighbour's kids banged on the front door yesterday morning when i was asleep... said something bad happened to the father... i didnt get wad they were saying but they just told me to follow them, so i did~

went to the lift landing and saw him on the ground... there was blood on the floor & a knife was next to him... those were the first things i noticed... they were first things everyone there noticed~

i bent down and placed my hand on his head... he was sweating.... i asked if he was alright, if he could hear me... he didnt ans~ his eyes were rolled back and his left hand was placed over his heart, covering the wound... some guy there told me the medics were on the way... he had his kid with him... i asked him wad time he called it in...

"9.20, they'll be comming sooon"
it was 9.25am....
"bring ur kid inside man, he doesnt need to see this..."

i looked around alot.. started noticing everything i could see... his wallet was by the stairwell... the bloodied knife... the people around me just standing there afraid to "mess up" the scene... i took note of everything for when the cops got here~

kept on talking to him, kept saying everything would be fine, tat the medics were on the way... i just kept talking to him, i needed him to be able to hear me not understand me... i just kept talking...

went inside the house to get a pillow to rest his head on.... his eyes were still rolled back~

"where the hell are the medics..."

they finally came, took them long enough-_-... they took the father away.... not before fumbling alot...it was like their first time seeing blood, it was so unprofessional, almost comical~ the first cop came while the medics had him strapped in the stretcher... started questioning the ppl around... then they started questioning me~

my mom came just after the father was taken away... cops told her they took him to changi general, so she took a cab there while i stayed... they needed to qs me more~

more cops came... wrapped the area around it with Police tape... kept talkin on their phones and radios for more back up~ they told me the investigators were arriving soon, so i waited.....

i think 30 mins had passed... a crazy old neighbour from upstairs happened to walk down n saw the mess... started being unmannered and disrespectful towards me and the cops, saying how "back in the day" there were cops on every street n other ramblings of alonely old man just trying to seek attention... on any other day i would just ignore him, this wasnt any other day, so i lashed at him... cops told me to go back home.... they'll call me once the investigators came... crazy old man went back upstairs as well~

i took a quick bath... it helped cool me off~ cops knocked on my door a min later, i let them in... CID lady took my statement and made me check it a few times before heading back out to the crime scene...

by now the place was swarmed with cops all doing their CSI-thing.. taking samples of blood, photos, etc~ they told me to go back n wait, they'd let me know if they needed to ask any more questions...

i went back into the house, took a cig from my dad's room and lit it... then i just sat in the living room... i wanted to turn on the tv, but i didnt... i mean, u shouldnt right? now's hardly the time to wanna watch tv~ so i just sat there...

after about 20 mins, i turned on my computer... it felt so wrong to do so... i figured i should be emoing at a corner of crying in the bathroom or something... but instead i was checkin my e-mails and watched videos from you-tube~

it felt wrong...
but, i felt no remorse~

my father's an asshole... he's never made any positive impact in my life cept to screw me n my family over countless times... i've always known this was bound to happen... it would be karma.. & he would've gotten wad was comming to him~ i have sympathy but no empathy to wad happened to him, and i feel no remorse~



* i dont think i should carry on writing this anymore, i believe it would be rather disturbing if i were to write how i honest felt....

its been quite a personal dilema whether or not i should post this entry due to its personal content, but i decided to do it anyway~





i feel myself loosing my humanity~
on the other hand, i dont really feeel anything at all...



im soo gonna burn in hell~