fighting makes the pain go away~

went swimmin with the turds again at bedok~
they tried to kill me...
aloy broke my nose n sloppy tried to rape me... but im ok... lots of scratch marks n bruises... but i'll live~

took a vid of the turds tryin to gang bang each other... but it looks lame so i wont put it~
sch's a bitch... my timetable is shitty n there are no hot girls, or any girls for tat matter, in my classes~ have yet to get a sighting of the girL~ but i dont care.. she's eviL~ n i hate her... so there~

my sis is thinkin of gettin a small tattoo in the area below the wrist on her bday~ i wonder how she's gonna tell my mom... i think when i save up enough money i'll go get extend mine over the shoulder or something~

im feelin particularly intimidating these past few days~ been scaryin away all the year 1 pricks in my class with my purple hair n eviL~ Yuna eyes.... so fun~ when ever i walk out of the class, they'll all siam n make way for me... like im some columbian drug lord... or maybe im just flatterin myself~

bleh~

i need more female friends... i think im turnin gay~

eviL toys~

had nothin better to do today so went to toys'r'us~
saw a creepy lookin toy.. it scared me so i took a picture of it...



its a bobble-head doggy soft toy thingy~
it looked sadistic so i bought it n went to burn it....

i'll be sending them a letter of complain ordering them to cease the sale of satanic toys to lil children even though it would be cool to have them all possesed....
but im a nice guy~

help save the children...
burn all bobble-head doggys now~



*peace

writings of a solitarian~

There is no pleasure in the world like writing~
Its a process of discovery n exploration.... i write to pass the time, to find out wat im thinkin, to organize my thoughts. i write wat i see, wat i feel, wat i experience. i write to understand, to amuse, to vent. I write to silence the voices in my head. But most of all... i write to remember... to never forget~

i write down my theories, my thoughts, my feelings. The "what if's" & the "what could have been's". I write of the future n of the past n present. i'd write of my dreams n aspirations, of loves n loves lost~

Whenever I've endured or accomplished a difficult task, after a tramatic experience or had a close brush with death~ or having witnessed the most beautiful of things...~ i'd always write... i'd always remember.. & i'd never forget~

i would wish for it to snow~
i'd sit by my window sill and watch the snow flakes fall from the misty sky~ and i'd start to write about the children runnin around & playin in the snow, buildin frozen scuptures n ice-skating... the air would be cool and calm... everything would be peaceful. And i'd watch.. n just imagine~

i'd wish i was lying down on the deck of a boat~
how cool & fresh the ocean breeze would feel.... i'd write about the dolphins tat gather round as i tossed bait overboard or of the sea gulls tat take a rest on the sails~ i would write about the sun rise n sun set of every morning n night describing it with the upmost of detail...

i would write... and just write~
then i'd read it again.. n i'd remember.... every sight, every feeling.....
and i will remember...
and i will never forget~

smoke gets in ur eyes~

went swimmin with the 2 turds~ we worked out at the gym 1st.... suprizingly sloppy has pretty gd stamina... later went swimmin n played the "try-to-drown-aaron~" game again... also they invented another game called "lets-make-aaron-fatherless". im not gonna elaborate on tat~

We ordered mac n sloppy did somethin gross with the coke~ took a video...


after swimmmin, i went home to check out my new bruises n cuts.... mom ask me to follow her go some religious dinner of some sort with my aunt~ being the oh so obedient son i am, i agreed~ my eyes were hurtin from the night before due to the damn haze.. n now even more from the chlorine of the swimmin pooL~ now i had to endure the smoke from those incents.....

got there at about 6... it was some big tent with lots of god statues n paper figures of those chinese gods i see all the time on those channel 8 shows~
followed my parents around the place n prayin to like.. all the gods there... stickin incents into each one of their ... er... ash pot thingy~

i just like, shaked the stick a few times, just for the sake of showing tat im praying, then quickly planted the stick into the pot...~ i was listenin to Marlyin Manson on my ipod as we went to like 7 diff spots to pray.. kinda ironic~

Smoke was really burnin my eyes~ the tent trapted all the smoke inside... i was the onli one my age there... typical~ the rest where adults n old ppl... yeah there was aloooot of old ppl~ saw some kids there too.. but they probably didnt know wat they were gettin themselves into anyway~

old ppl are creepy.. they kept touchin me n rubbin my head...~ tellin my mom how i've grown n shit~ i dont even know these ppl -_-
i saw this creepy old guy.. he like walked up to this lil kid hu was just like sittin there..he kept talkin to him n this creepy manner old ppl do... creeped me out just watching him~

oh.. there was so this chinese opera thingy... noisy as hell~ but kinda cooL to watch... even though i didnt know wat the hell they where doing or sayin... but.. this was like wat old ppl did when colour tv wasn't invented~

anyway... the rest of it was pretty boring n i had to sit my way thru it~
religion is a strange thing...
accordin to my mom... the whole event was to celebrate a god's birthday.... do gods even have bdays? i thought they were like.. born b4 time or something~

bleh... iduncare~

damn haze~

my guitar killed me~

holidays are becommin more n more retarded...
i stay at home all day n do nothin but watch tv n play my guitar~..
Occasionally i do a lil drawin n read a bit.. but tats about it..

i've been playin my guitar so much, my fingertips have all been blistered up.. so now it hurts to play.... no one's free.. they've all gotten jobs n shit..
i swear.. the next semester holiday im getttin a job n going out everyday...~

i've been google-ing alot of nonsensical stuff to occupy my time...~ read up about serial killers and the history of some guy called albert fish.. hu's apparently some american serial killer hu tortured n ate lil children... neat~

dont know y im even tellin u ppl this...
hmmm ... i want a lava lamp~



anyone know how to play the second part of John Mayer's Why Georgia?~





anyone?~

i'm so annoying~

this is a video of me annoyin my eviL mother~ with her new phone she took from me...

don't any of u turds laugh at me... i dont typically act like a moron, i was just being especially annoying on tat day...
so there~






happy mother's day~
lalala~

stuff in my room~

LO and BEHOLD! the great mystical treasures found no where else.. but in this pig sty i call a room~


Stuff #1:
an orange stuffed mouse i use to support the base of my guitar~


Stuff #2:
a broken skipping rope i cut to swing around with...


Stuff #3:
a sticker of what looks to be either stick-men with red heads, or berry flavoured lolipops~


Stuff #4:
a ladder......


Stuff #5:
a one-eyed stuff aligator


Stuff #6:
a broken toy gun & a nunchaku...



tune in next time to see wat other crap i uncover in my crib!











oh gawd i need a life~

my mother~ (part II )

my mother is EVIL~
i love her very much but she is EVIL~ i tell u....

couple of days ago my bandmate asked me to go Malaysia for a day.. i told him.. "yeah sure... 1 day onli, no big deal..."

so 2 days before the trip i asked my mom for my passport... thus leading her to inquire why i needed it... so i told her.. n she imediately forbade me from going...

wad the fuck~ -_-

she gave me no reason as to why not, n proceeds to tell me crap excuses like.. malaysia is dangerous n i might die there -_-
Oh my gawd~

My mom is a great Parent... she looks after the kids, feeds us, brings home the bacon, cleans up around the house n all that stuff parents are suppose to do to ensure a healthy n safe lifestyle for their kids...

But she is a horrible mother.... she never tells me any important information like our financial status or even her past for that matter... she never talks to me about stuff, n she's never let me do anything... remotely dangerous in my entire life...

i wasnt allow to use the stove till i was like 12, i've never ridden a roller-coaster ever.... not even those 360 degree viking ship thingys... i've never been able to go out after sch till i was in sec 1... before tat it was straight home everyday... n she would fetch me back too... even though our house was like just across the street... oh~ so tats why i didnt have any friends -_-

WAT MOTHER WOULD DO TAT TO A KID ! JEUS CHRIST!

but ironically, despite having never experienced these life threathening things.... i have not grown into a hermit of some kind, but infact... the opposite... i have always wanted to sky dive or bungee jump... i have no fear, but i have no permission either....

sometimes i just wanna just flash my tattoo at her n say " LOOK ! LOOK AT THAT! WAT U GONNA DO ABOUT IT NOW! "

buuut that would just give her a stroke so i'd reframe from doing that now....

so every morning, whenever i see her i just point at her n shout "EVIL!", then she'd call me sickening n i'd just run away waving my arms about... bleh~


ah... but i still love her~
my mother ladies n gentlemen....my mother~

some snow would be nice~

Damn Heat~

nerdy no more~

i've been rumaging thru my drawer where i stash all my old journals n photos from my old sch days n i must say.. i do look really different..
From being a cute shy kid aunties loved to adore in primary sch.. to a soft pale-skin nerd everyone loved to pick on.. to now.. a good-lookin, tall, well-build, charming, did i mention gd lookin guy~

oh how i've hated my childhood...just look at the geeky face of mine... even girls would beat me up... jeuz christ~



now u know y i turned out so messed up.....
havin girls pick on u is not cooL~

ah but at least now i've been told im 'scary lookin' by many ppl so at least i dont get picked on so much... plus.. once ppl know u got a tattoo or pierced ur lips its a pretty useful intimidation tooL~

but im sure those hu know me know im nothin like wat i look like... dont fuckin discriminate ppl on their looks.. i hate tat.. ~

Oh yes.. another thing cooL happened today... my sister was casually blow-drying her hair when the hair- dryer exploded~ there was sparks n everything... burnted a hole in her hand muahhahaa~ gawd im a bad brother...

i guess this was payback for that time when she forgot to turn of the iron n i accidentally brushed up against it...
ITS KARMA I TELL YA! n it sure took its time seeing as how it happened like 7 yrs ago.. but at least justice is served..~

gd thing about my burn was tat i got to show it off to all my friends.. n she got to take an off day from work.... ~


look at that... its crazy y im still single i tell ya~



hmm.. cant help it i guess..
women are crazy...throw rocks at them~

i hate the exorcism~

today was another retarded day ~
the 3 turds came over to my place to watch this fuck of a show minty lent me~
i hate scary movies n the 3 turds insisted on turnin the vol. so high, even a freakin phone ring spooked us all..

the startin was kinda lame n boring... just some old fart wanderin around some desert dunno find wad.. then the lil girl,regan, n her mom played with an ouiji board n asked some Qs by some ghost called Captain Howey..

then she got all possesed n shiet.. her skin turned all green n she started rollin down stairs, pukeing blood n green slime n peeing on the floor~ not to mention the whole turning-of-the-head 360 degrees...

fucking disturbing show... could really screw up ur kid brother's mind with a show like tat... pity im already the youngest in the family~ bleh...

in the end so many ppl died but she survived... convieniently having amnesia n getting on with her life like nothin ever happened.. bloody hell... -_-

For those hu havent seen the movie... dont~ its creepy n gross.. for those hu have the vcd i suggest u break it now n let ur baby brother play with the broken pieces...

I hate scary movies... they scare me n im never watchin them ever again... ~
If any of u think im a chicken shiet cause i dont find spookin myself entertaining.. then DIE NOW! Slit ur wrist n run into traffic ~

hopefully tomoro will be a more productive day instead of constantly playing Prince of Persia on my xbox n mapling all day..
SOMEONE ASK ME OUT !!!!!


lalalala
coldplay rocks~

god hates me~

rwaR!
fukin holidays so boring.. wake up every morning at 5am, shower.. then make my mom breakfast before playing "Gay-ple(Maple)Story" for 4 hrs ... yes yes.. i play maple.. its a horrible game of mindlessly hackin tiny mushrooms n snail for hrs on end before lvling even once... but i must admit.. its a guilty pleasure of mine~

Here's how my character looks like.. sloppy says i look like algae cause im like this lil' green shit tat shoot arrows.. bah.. i think i look cooL~


after my 4hrs of torturous spamming of my arrow, n listening to 98.7FM's "Muttons In The MOrning~" its usually off to swimmming at shawny's crappy condo with vic n sloppy~ the Stupid guards there really retarded.. i can just walk right in n they dont even suspect a thing.. shit i could be a terrorist for all they know.. Bleh~

We'd swimm awhile then start playin the "try to drown aaron" game, this involves a 3 vs 1 wrestling match where by all three dicks try to .. yes... drown me...

By 4-ish, im usually tanned n baddly bruised n cut in various places.. but it was fun.. sometimes we get to oogle at bikini babes sun bathing .. or i can scare the lil kids away with my tattoo.. Woot!

i even broke vic's thumb yesterday... he tried to grab me underwater so i kicked him n now he's hand is all bandaged up.. haha .. the pussy..
too bad he wont send me the picture of it... bleh...~ -_-

oh yes.. we made a couple of retared videos during swimming...

here's one made during the exams.. i was studyin n a freakin lizard took a shiet on my book...


this one is a twinky eattin contest btw sloppy n vic~ shawn's video phone is pretty shitty so all u can see is darkness n our retarded conversations...


the next 2 are of us playin with this stray cat tat stays in the condo~




ah.. i also like to mention that i love those lovey dovey chick-flick korean dramas ... they keep my mom n sis occupied on the weekends so they dont bother me as much... kudos to tat...~

bleh... i think tats all i've got to write about... 3 more weeks of holidays.. wat the hell am i gonna do now...~

















fuck~

ode to the girL ~ (part III)

i've yet to see her... the girL~
Ever more unclear does the invisible affair persist...
she's fading out with each passing day~

strange the timing for such feelings to arise..
but they were never gone in the 1st place~

the sweetness of her, like tat of puppy dogs n butterflys~
her mesmerising eyes and euphonious voice lingers in my mind..
the blush upon her cheek, the tenderness of her smile~

i want to forget her.. this vagrant pursuit must cease....
its incredible how someone can mean so much to someone else n not realise it~
she makes my world stop...
every glance into her eyes, every touch of her hand~

she makes my world stop~

My ode to the girL~ this is the last...
its best i leave this be~
no greater tragic tale told of love lost, then tat of love never found~

i wonder if she'd ever know....
i wonder of wat could have been~

Unending in my heart: the girL~

gibberish~

A long time ago, the warmest tree flew, inside it laid corpses of mouse traps and beer.... As time went by the shoe rings evolved... causing pillows and calculators to roam the seas of koi and hermit~

These tales have long came to pass. For every few decades, the crystal balls dance. Causing the Moon and its orange to grow penguins made of strawberries and glue~ Although the seamless night can be evaded by the falling windows, one cannot neglect the sight of a purple bear when he sees one....~

THey bring paper and stones as an offering, and place them before the fields of daffodils and fog~ Above the mountain of clocks, n beyond the rising smoke of music notes, is where it will fine its turtle shell~

With it, the ability to rewrite the names of chocolate Bars and tattooed skin~
The Dragon feels uneasy with the gloves on his wings... but he sleeps.. nonetheless~ Undisturbed by the screams of the headless butterflys~

It sleeps everlasting in the sea of eyes... never to be disturbed... never to be awake... for it is sheeps, that do the real hunting....~



(No idea wat the heLL i just wrote..? WeLL, neither do i...~)
God im bored~ -_-

Fre3ze ouT~

my mom's gonna kill me~

this was'nt just some random spontaneous crazy thing i just woke up one day n said i wanna get a tattoo, i've always dreams of gettin one since i was in sec2...

it wasn't tat i was afraid of the pain, i was more afraid of the consequnces of getting one, n how gettin inked would effect me gettin a job, the discrimination ppl will show towards me...& the sufferin i would most likly have to endure in NS because of it...

i've contemplated getting one for so many years... n i was willing 2 except all those factors... all but one, which was not getting my mother's blessing...~
i hate to make her anger and disappointed.. its not a very nice feelin for a son to feel when he does something to anger his mother to the point where she starts to cry... ~

My mother is very innocent and narrow-minded in a way... she thinks anyone with a tattoo is either an ex-con or some junkie drug addict/ gangster... the very mention of me gettin one would put her in such a negative mood, then she starts to lecture me about how no one would hire me, or how ppl would pick fights with me cause of it... which, to me sounded so unlikely... still does....~

Even so, my fascination with body art far outshined her parental control over me... i wasn't a disobedinent boy, i've spent my whole life listing to my mother.. till even my friends got pissed cause if she said "no", it would mean no... i didnt even bother to put up a fight..~

i hate to disobey my mother.... which is why wat i did made me feel so guilty~ i did alot of research about tattoos and made alot of desicion-making like, where to have the tatt done so tat i can hide it... reputable tattoo parlors in sg... tattoo aftercare n stuff like tat...~

BUt i have no regrets... i am very proud of my tattoo... it was exceptionally crafted in me by a tattoo artist named Oliver from EZ Tattoos down at Far East... (if any one wants to get inked i recommend going there~) it didnt really hurt tat bad... dont really know wat the big contraversy about the pain is.. its like a 6/10 on the pain scale... if u can endure the stabbing of countless burning needles dragging across ur skin over the same spot for over an hr, u'd be alright...~

maybe when im older n have a family. i'd tattoo my wife n kid's names on my arms... for now, i think i'll be just happy with this one...

i dont think i can ever let my mom find out... she'd definatly send me to get it lasered... DEFINATELY~ My mother is VERY capable of doing something like that..
i just hope one day she realises tat a tattoo isn't ment for "AH-bengs" or used as an intimidation tool... but a form of artistic expression.. something u do to show how much u love urself~

Maybe one day she'd realise the intense investigation and groundwork i did to perfectly position the size n area of the tatt in order to get a white collar job...
as well as the picture....which isnt some word like " i love Satan " on my back... tat would just freak her out.... i even contemplated on tattooing her name just to make her not be so mad if she ever found out... but i quickly scratched tat idea...~

anyway.. to all the ppl out there hu have the same idealogy as my mother, please change ur outlook on ppl with tattoos... i know many ppl hu hold degrees hu have piercings n tattoos in places u cant even imagine... ~

i hate discrimination in every form, be it racisim, sexism ... or any form of classification tat deminors one person from another... a rich successfull business man has the same rights as a tattoo covered ex-con.... if onli ppl in this country could be more open-minded...

Friends.. n friend's of friends... n anyone hu reads this... please tell this to ur kids one day... i'd rather have my son talk to me about gettin a tattoo then to do it behind my back just because im too narrow-minded to listen to him....~

NOw for some pictures... here;s one of my back before gettin tatt, my friend shawn took it as a final commemoratory, seeing as how i'd never be "bare-backed" again...


here is the stencil of it... already looks pretty neat ~




n this was taken during the finishing of the tattoo.. blood n all still shown.. compliments of victor~



sure it may look kinda torturous, but the anticipation of it is far worst then the actual process...

Vic,shawny n eddy took videos of me n put them on Utube~ here are the links...
as u can see.. not a tear shead....~






Tattoos are becoming a fast trend... soon... in our kid's generation.. tattoos would be so common... 5 yr olds would be gettin them...

One final msg, kids stay in sch, stay off drugs... n talk to ur parents...
Parents.... FUCKING listen to ur kids...~

Fre3ze OUT~

body art~

There are 2 kinds of people in this world... those who have tattoos, and those who are afraid of people with tattoos~ A tattoo attracts and also repels simply because it is different...

it's often associated with gang members and street thugs or Satanic cults when it is just a form of expressing one's self thru arT~ Many people cant understand why one would expose themselves to the "torture" of tattooing, so they simple consider them as symbols of disgrace~

Is a tattoo painful... sure it is.. but the beauty of it and the pride associated with wearing it far outweighs a little pin-stick here and there. BEsides...it cant possibly hurt TAT bad... other wise ppl wont keep going back to get new ones~

The tattoos come in the form of butterflies, flowers and hearts. In Iraq, tattoos are told to make women more beautiful. Its simply how the society sees it... A form of arT~, or a walking Freak SHow....

Though the tattoo may only be skin deep, its significance can run as deep as the soul.. it is a true poetic creation, and is always more than meets the eye...

A tattoo's a piece of art you will wear for life, an identity that is indefinatly you~ its about personalizing the body, making it a true home for the spirit that dwells within....

A Tattoo is cooL and exotic, its the ultimate way to show how much u love yrself, or someone else...

and im gonna get one~ :)

insomia~

its 3.35 am ...
and i cant sleep~

Apparently, i haven't been able to fall asleep much less, remain alseep for the pass few weeks... this has happened b4 a couple of times in the past, but this time its different.. i feel ... awake at night.. literally... in the past i felt tired..it was just tat i couldn't get to sleep.. but if i managed to, i would usually sleep right thru the night..

But these few weeks...
i feel awake when i try to sleep... n awake when i wake up again at odd hrs of the morning~

At 1st, i thought it would pass... tat its just a phase of being restless... and that in time... things would eventually go back to normal.. but upon thinkin back now, i realised that this has been going on for quite sometime now.. weeks on end... of sleepless nights and narcoleptic afternoons... day after agonizing day.. i didnt realise how long it was going on till now...

its been going on for so long now... and it's really bothering me.. maybe i should go see a doctor soon, hopefully he could drug me up real gd n things would go back to normal.. ~

i've tired all sorts of methods to try n sleep... from drinkin a warm class of milk at night.. to ... sniffin an onion and even counting sheep, which btw is a load of crap... attempting to count an infinity of rampaging sheep that leap over a fence does NOT put u to sleep.. but would in fact make u even more awake then b4~

i've even tired drinkin myself to sleep... usually i can feel tired enough after a while by drinkin just one can of Beer~ but the effects dont last very long... n it even gives u tat grogy feeling in ur stomach when u wake up.. which ... since u didnt even get enough sleep frm the night b4, is really Uncool~

I've considered other factors which contribute to me unable to catch some Zzz~
My room for one thing, isn't that well ventilated. My mother, hu btw is the most Paranoid person in the World, thinks that if i so much as leave my top window luver open, some Criminal Master Mind would manage to contort his body thru my 15cm by 50cm window and steal my oh so vaulable Dinosaur Figurines, which can onli be sold to a crazy person willing enough to want my shit in exchange for a half bitten tic-tac~

Sure maybe some punk kid hu's got nothing to do at 3 in the morning would wanna throw a lit match in thru the window.... n my room is HIGHLY FLAMABLE. I have got posters lineing every inch of my rm n clothes which litter the floor like a carpet so yes it is a fire harzard n i would probably be the 1st one to die.. but wat chance would it be tat any of this would happen... in this country for that matter..

I also have a Immature and self-centered elder sister hu decides to watch 'Boston LEgal' on the VCR at 4 in the morning with the VoL. turned up.... i cant complain to my father since i dont really regard him as a member of this household, and i dont want to wake my mother and mess up her peaceful sleep... so.. i decide to just get up... n now i cant go back to sleep...~

so here i am, talking of counting sheep & how flameable my room is... at 3.54 am on a sch night... i think i'll go to the doctor's tomoro n get some sleepin pills...
i dont even know if they prescribe it~

i need some sleep.... i really do... so next time if u see me in sch in the morning n i have this "dont fuck with me today, i didnt get enough sleep last night" look.. dont take it personally.. i just didn't get enough sleep last night... n would appreciate it if u'd all FUCK oFF till noon~

cheers~

thank you for smoking~

i have decided to quit smoking once n for all...
it was to be my birthday gift to myself~

2 days before my day of days i bought my last pack of Marlboro Reds and smoked every stick with the up most indulgence... savouring every breath...

i played with the smoke as it drifted out of my mouth... moving my lips to alter the flow... it made patterns in the air.. rings of smoke floated playfully in the wind-less enclosure of my room...

i liked smoking... it wasn't just a habit..it was a place to go.... Where I could just shut out the rest of the world and find a little bit of time, and peace for myself.... Just a little bit~

Till now, i dont even know why im quiting.... sure smoking kills u.. but idunwannaliveforever~ i had no reason at all, that appealed to me, to quit~ when i reached my last stick, i couldn't bring myself to finish the last one.... i didnt want it to end... had no reason to...~

In fact, it would actually help me more if i continued~
But this morning ... i lit the last one up anyway... i figured, things can happen for no reason... i had no reason to quit, i had no one to quit for, i did not fear the consequences of not quiting... but i did it anyway, for no reason~

Its been 2 days since i've stopped.. my head hurts every now & then, and i feel real grouchy everytime i wake up... all of which i think i'll be able to overcome sooner or later~

i sit at the non-smokin area everytime i go to starbucks now... is a pretty cool change i guess... but i dont know how long this will last... i keep adding reasons to make me start smoking again... but i've got none to make me stop...

oh well...
i'll think of one sooner or later~

today's a good day~

the sun is burning down like a bitch .. there are no birds singing.. there are no flowers blooming..

I have tons of stuff to do and so little time... i've got to study for sch and complete my assignments.. my room is a mess.. there isnt anything good on TV...

My friends have all got plans... my family are all not home...

But...
today's a good day~

Upon waking up this morning, i could sense it already... everything looked the same but everything was so different...
the air felt fresher... the sky looked blue-er... but this day was the same as every other day... except today.. i was lookin at it from a different prespective...

Today i wake up feeling glad and happy...for no reason wat so ever i felt opimistic..~
All my worries.. and all my doubts have been answers on this day... i feel as if my eyes have been opened... as if i was enlightened... it was like a storm had been lifted and i could see the sun shine again...

Just for today... i've decided to be nice... to be kinder... to be generous..
just for today, i want to be opitmistic and not be let down...
Just for today.. i will not frown.. i will not be sad.. i will not complain..
Everything today is perfect in its own imperfection... everything i eat will taste gr8 ... everyone i meet will be friendly... everything i do, will be done with passion~

These words may all sound really Gay~ but i dont care...
for today is a good day~
and it is comforting knowing it's going to last....~

incubus~

the time now is about 4:15 am in the morning...

i had just had the most insane nightmare.... i've had insane nightmares before.. but, it's been a while since i had one this intense....

i mean.. seriously.. i'm shaking right now... it has to be a significant nightmare to make me wake up at 4 in the morning on a sch night just to write this shit...

im trying to think happy thoughts.. but i realised i dont have any... & since im tryin to quit smokin... cant do tat either... im not religous so cant pray... tried meditating, but tats just lame... So, i've decided to write a little... calms me down... n allows me to get some few things off my chest...~

Let me start frm the beginning... b4 i slept today.. i spent a gd clean hr tossin n turnin.. some times just sittin up n starin my 4 walls cause i couldn't sleep.. there was alot going on in my mind, stuff i would not like to share with u all... but the stuff was real actual event happenin in my Life currently and it was.. i guess ... messing my sleep up...

Anyway, i've been researchin on nightmares a couple of min ago n it says that ( i quote..) "Evil thoughts are actually material things manifested by us. In other words by believing in raw evil you can actually create it. " -Edgar Cayce

also.. tat ( i quote again..) "Nightmares can also signify deeply rooted psychological problems. Individuals suffering from these forms of post traumatic stress disorder is common for them to be haunted by nightmares as they relive the traumatic event. "

It also says i should seek counselling... hmm maybe im going crazy... or maybe i just dont talk about my problems to ppl... ~

Ah well... i'll get over it eventually.. life goes on~
But i have never felt this scared n alive at the same time... it was truly an adrenaline rush... however.. it's also one tat has left me breathing heavily by my bedside.. a tramatic event.. if u wiLL~

Now... i bet u all wanna know.. wat is this dream i had thats makin me write at 4 in the morning just to calm myself down...

Well, like all dreams .. i cant really remember much after wakin up.. but here it goes anyway...

It kinda starts like right away... im running to a destination.. or im being chases thru out this whole dream.. till now i cant really tell which is it.. running or running away.. i think is a bit of both though...

Anyway.. like i said.. im runnin(or being chased) n im like runnin thru these buildings .. hopin thru the windows n jumpin down stairs in a mad dash to whereever im suppose to go( or run away frm...)

I'm with a couple of ppl.. n we're all running.. i breakin into house to take short cuts... lots of tat... i remember feelin afraid tat the owners would come back n find us.. or if they were already in the house, find us n catch us....

All these houses tat i'm eligibly breakin into are all mansions with lots of sofas n cusions cause i remember falling alot n having those break my fall...
The last part of the dream was .. i was exiting this mansion house thing n the owners came back.. they were in a car they knocked me over with it.. i got flung onto the hood n they were like tryin to grab thru the windows of the car.. then i got off n ran towards this gate.. but there was another car.. n it blocked my way.. so i was trapped.. then all these "owners" came out of their cars n started chasin me....

ok.. so it wasnt about man-eating monsters or serial killers... its just some lame dream of being chases... but it was scary.. n it really creeped me out man... didnt want to wake my family members up.. n i couldnt call anyone at 4 in the morning to talk.. so tat extra feelin of loneliness n havin no one to talk to really sucks...

i dont know wat to do now... do i go back to sleep... do i just watch tv & wait till sch starts... i doubt i'll have another nightmare.. they never occur twice in a night...

I know a NIghtmare is'nt reaL.. i know.. tat its just ur sub-concious mind playin tricks on u .... a Nightmare has nothin to do with Satanism or EviL... nor ghosts or monsters... its simply just a movie tat plays in ur head when u sleep...~

But stiLL....
tat was one heLL of a Nightmare...~