from wad i remember...~

so many things have happened... its such a pity i wasn't able to write about them all when i had the inspiration too.. seeing as how my computer is dead n all...

but i'll try n depict these evens out again.... from wad i can remember~

5th May 2008

i finally get mom's name inked on my back.... even though mother's day was 6 days away, it was the onli off day i had for that week, so yeah... i remember having a great chat with Meng while he worked on me.. it was cool~ and yes, it hurt... i remembered seeing alot of blood... it wasnt gross or anything though... suprizingly~

did i mentioned it hurt alot?

i remember it feeling good when it was done... seeing ur mother's name on ur back... it felt good~ my onli regret was that i was alone when it was being done~ but its not complete... i've yet to join them... tat'll be in a couple of weeks when this heals over...

6th May 2008

i remember pain... alot of pain... not the kind where u'd roll around screaming in agony... it wasnt that excruciating... but it hurt... nonetheless~

it was the kind of pain where u'd keep still and try not move... the kind where u'd just stand at one spot focusing on something infront of u while u held a straight face... the kind of pain where u'd kringe all of a suddenly when the wind blew a loose thread from ur shirt straight into the pores of ur back...

i remember standing very still at work.... hunching over the counter, not moving an inch... keeping my back faced to the wall, being weary of any object tat came too close to me when i was walkin down the street....

i rememebered the pain very well~

7th May 2008

without sufficent time to recupourate after the inking, i realised it was a horrible decision to get it done when i had work for the next 6 days in a row... i killed alot of kittens to subdue the discomfort... i wanted to tell the mother about it.. i wanted her to see it and give me a big hug... tat would've taken alot of the pain away...

i came home tat night, haggered & exhausted from work ... i put my bag down and sat next to her... She seemed happy..."It was an apropriate time to do it" i thought...

her face changed immediatly.... she didnt say a word.... that.. look... of disappointment....

it didnt help the pain at all....

she went to her room... and that was that~

8th-9th May 2008

i was slaughtering kittens by the hundreds... metephorically speaking of course... they made my throat hurt.. but i didnt care... replacing a lesser pain for a greater one.... didnt see the harm in tat~

at least not till later...

the mother hasnt spoken a word to me... she hasnt replied my text msgs. or my calls... i came home and went to sit by her... she brushed me off~


i pleaded my case, asked her y she was upset... i told that the blood shed was for her.. and all i wanted was her appreciation... i told her i had done nothing wrong... that everyone else would've found this a touching gesture....

she wouldnt even look at me....

10th May 2008

the mother nudged me in my sleep that morning... said there was breakfast in the kitchen... i didnt really reacting much to it at 1st since i was still in a daze.... but after reflecting on it later in the day, i found it most consoling~ i told my friends at work... "hey guess wad! my mom said there was breakfast in the kitchen to me this morning!" they didnt know wad i was so happy about.... i didnt care that they did~



11th May 2008 ( Mother's Day )

i've been bringing her flowers every day of the week... the living room is full of pots and stalks of daisies & chrysanthemums.... today i brought home another pot and a giant lily the BFF bought for my mom, which was ever so thoughtful~ at this point we were sort of on speakin terms.. but she kept sayin she still doesnt like me with tat pouty tone of her's~

i presented her with the bouqet and she gave me a look & asked wad great atrocity i had committed this time to be serenaded with flowers everyday~

i laughed.... and she gave me a hug~

i smoked my last fag tat night...

12th May 2008

now came the judgement of my "3 packs within a week" rendevous~ it was fun killin urself.. i'd admit... but feelin urself dying was not~

i spent my off day coughing and wheezing and hackin up substances of a greenish-yellowy nature.... it was not fun....

with my immune system weakened from the inking, and the weather being as crazy as its always been... the lil sticks of death i put in my mouth were much more harmful then i thought... i was replacing a greater pain for an even bigger one... had i only known... well... i had.... guess i deserved it~

it was fun while it lasted.... but i am never doing it again~ especially when im about to be enlisted... i'll be needin tat extra stamina....

13th May 2008

was suppose to go to work today but i called in sick.. it wasnt gettin any better... and now it developed into a fully fledged FLU~

i feel horrible, the room's too warm so i turn on the fan, then it gets too cold n i start to sneeze... my throat feels numb n everything tastes bad.... i have so much things to do but i can barely stand.... i stumble from room to room like a drunk.... i go to the kitchen to pour a drink... then i fall onto the living room couch for a breather before headin to my room again...

i felt silly doing it.... but it amused me~ stumbling around was kinda morbidly fun.... everyone knows having the flu makes ur body weak & ur mind drozy.... even if u werent, the cold meds would've made sure of it....

i phoned my mom n spoke to her in the most childish of fashions.... i told her i was dying, that i wanted her to come home and pat my butt to sleep so i'd feel better in the morning... she scolded me and told me to pick up my clothes in the living room...



Blahh... mothers~



i almost forgot to put the picture up~


mom says its ugly but she keeps touching it... tsk~

i sit here, now, in my room, with a wad of tissue up my nose, bloggin on my mom's msn-less labtop thinkin wad an asshole i've been these past few days for doing the things i've done... but i have no regrets... i never do..... because i made these choices... n i onli have myself to blame should these choices turn out to be bad ones... it feels good to be able to... decide for yrself~

i want to remember... the things i do, the things i feel.... i want to remember the good times and the bad... the people i met, the places i go to.... i want to remember everything.... and i want others to remember it too~

so i write, when i can...

& i blog, when i can.....

so tat wadever i go thru, i will never forget any moment of it....







so i never forget any moment at all~